Fuck

Forever.

(Don't worry, I'm not pulling a Daul).

You Are Forgiven

Hello, salutations. I always feel weird when I update this, as though I haven't written anything in months. I've been in a very good mood lately. I feel happy again. I haven't felt happy, or my definition of happy since the summer. Alright I still have crazy mood swings and I'm terribly anti-social with some people but I'm doing in a slightly more cheerful way. I am stressed though however, my grades were shite this marking period. I got a D+ in English and an F in Biology I think. Oh and a C in Honors French, I know I have an A in Art though. Maybe... I will most definately get grounded for a ridiculous amount of time and/or get sent away. Now sent away means that I will go to a terrible private school in India where girls have never talked to a boy other than their brother and they wear pigtails. I don't even brush my hair. Yea and real nuns. I'm doubting that a little however, it costs to much and I'm thankful for recession at the moment.

Music has been keeping me in a good mood, I've been listening to alot of Bob Dylan, Minor Threat, Vampire Weekend, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Françoise Hardy and Babyshambles. And alot of pop music. I was too pretentious to listen to classic rock before but I kind of love it now. I used to loath Vampire Weekend and now I can't stop listening to them, it's funny how that works. I've rediscovered my love of Wes Anderson (well him and his films). They really make you see life in a different way. Seeing beauty in the ugly things, and vic versa. Plus those primary colors and Jason Schwartzman, who could say no to that? My favorite new film is Rushmore. I pretty much know it by heart and in a span of 2 weeks I've seen it about 5 times. Which is unnatural for me, I don't really like films.

I also decided I will go to art school. Either that or I will study a bunch of weird things like literature and Egyptology, then kind of chill with no job and all my degrees piled around me in Greenwich Village. Or I might travel. I can't imagine having a normal job. I don't want to live in just one place either, I want to live everywhere. Who knows I could be the next Anthony Bourdain. The character Max Fischer in Rushmore really reminds me of myself. Only I'm not that pale and Jewish but I'm short and skinny with a big nose and glasses. So that gives me some brownie points. Plus his personality in general. A bunch of people started calling me Charlie Bartlett. I've never even seen that film so I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. Whatever. School is over next week then vacation, too bad I'll get my grades in by then. No Christmas presents for me.

Hmm, I'm forgetting everything I was going to say. I'm sure I'll think of it later. For now, peace, au revoir, cheers.

Let's All Poke Her, With A Stick

Hey kids. I actually say that to people. So yeah. Not much has been going on lately that I can recall. I've been sort of busy, Thanksgiving yay. Not so yay for me since like all the family that lives in the US hate us and vice versa. So it's just going to be my immediate familia for Turkey Day. I won't be eating turkey either, so my mom's making vegetarian Shepard's Pie. Knowing my mom there will be some sort of curry/spice in it. I've been mad at everything lately. So this may turn into a rant. I've been completely addicted to Tumblr lately. Facebook is so stupid, it makes me mad. I hate how people talk about it at school too, it's pathetic. I've been fascinated by weird things lately. Film, skulls, homeless people. The usual. I've been thinking of changing my hair yet again, maybe like a darkish red/purple. Right now it's got a dark brown thing going on. Sort of like (shut up) Peaches Geldof's hair before, only shorter. I'm not going to lie that color is amazing. Argh I've been absolutely in love with Lumina's video I'll Be With You.

I wrote this poem in the summer after listening to that song on repeat like 20 times and it was almost exactly like the video. Well not with a glowing Cherish Kaya and a jar of honey but the hmm... aura was the same. If I were to make a video for that song it would look very similar. And leave Faris alone for putting himself in so many of the shots. Hell honestly I would too, why not? I feel like I've been out of touch with reality in the latest. Not in the weird schizophrenic way but in the dreamy, celestial, in-a-dream kind. So many random obsessions with things too. Ugh anyway. I have to do a critique for art I've been putting off. I got nothing else to say. I've been listening to Led Zeppelin and Psychic TV alot. I'm just alone and trippy. I come off as a weirdo art kid and I'm really just a grumpy goff on the inside. Au revoir, cheers, dhanyavad, XX.

I Don't Know Your Name

I shouldn't be online right now. So I don't know what made me start writing this. I got grounded due to my shit grades. My mom knows that this computer is the only thing that fuels me during long breaks and pretty much any time I'm not drawing/painting. Alas. My head hurts so fucking bad, I just want to shut it off. Have you seen the episode of Spongebob where he imagines his brain as little Spongebobs that delete everything going on in his brain. Well that's how I clear my head. Which shows just about how immature I am. And it's weird that I have to get in a "mood" just to write a blog entry. No wonder I don't want to be a journalist anymore. Anyway back to my shit grades, which only consists of a C in French. My parents are hard-asses anyway, I still love them. I have nothing to do today. Too much partying yesterday. I was Amy Winehouse for Halloween. It was cool. I kind of look like a tan Jew anyway so it worked out haha.

Ugh anyway.

I'm having horrible sinus pain and I don't feel like taking a shitload of meds. They just make me stoned really. And I don't feel like being all doped out and hungry today. I sound dark and mean, I'm just in a strange mood. No anger though. Eh it's probably all the fucked up hospital stories I'm hearing from my mother. She doesn't understand a.) I'm a hypochondriac, b.) That shit depresses the hell out of me and makes me anxiety crazy. I tend to have 2 main moods anyway. Happy and sarcastic but silly, and mean and sarcastic and intelligent. I just need to be around some people, I can't wait till I can drive. Then I can go chill with people whenever I want. I miss my family too. I want to bring them over here, since I would never want to live in India. Too hot for me. I've been listening to alot of Mickey Avalon lately. And a bunch of underground shit I'm forgetting. I don't even have an explanation on how shitty my music taste has become. Eh, it sounds good to my ears. It's a good change from the punk and anti-folk they've become accostomed to. Bleh, cheers y'all, I'll have a cheerier post eventually, xx.

Black Satin

Hi kids. Everybody that reads this will get free candy. Through my mind. Life is alright right now, Monday Blues but for the most part I'm pretty fucking happy. I'm waiting for this to change at any moment however. Today was boring. I had an erm, eventful day yesterday and I'm still recovering from it. I actually got kind of upset when I saw I got such a low score on our first essay in English. My problem is I'm too pretentious and hate following

rules, especially if I don't like my teacher. Which I don't. I'm bored, confession time.

1) I'm listening to Paramore's new single now and I'm enjoying it very much. Not so much of a confession, just a bruise to my indie ego.

2) I don't like The Horum anymore. I've been trying to avoid it lately. It annoys the fuck out of me, I hate all the new fans. The Australian idiots and the pretentious shoegaze know-it-alls. Really I think they've turned me off from anything Australian for the rest of my life. I miss the old members, the original pretentious British alcoholics with great taste in music. Now we have annoying 14 year olds that over-analyze EVERYTHING that has to do with the band. Like chill seriously. I might sound like the stupid American stoner but I know SOME things, there's more to life than fruit Mentos and Faris' mysterious brother (I actually happen to know what he looks like, I'm not a stalker, it was merely coincidental).

^ (The good old days)

3) I never thought I would say these words in my life, but I don't think I like The Horrors anymore. Or as much as I used to. I miss the "old" them. I feel like they're completely disconnected from the fans, which I understand happens when a band get's bigger but it makes me sad. Unless somehow I miraculously can go to one of their gigs I'll always feel like this. And if they happen to cancel the gig I was going to go to in my state then I really can't help it. I know everybody's going to be like "what the fuck, they are the same band". You can disagree if you want. I get that bands have to mature and grow, but I'm selfish and I don't like it. I don't like Primary Colours that much anyway.

4) I want it to be the 90's again. I want to be able to rock the bad haircut, no makeup and "mom" jeans. Chyeah.

Okay I'm very sleep deprived, I'm going to take a nap and add more to this eventually. If you think I'm a bitch, cool. I think I'm one too. Nothing I can do about it. Ta-ta.

Serve The Servants

I love that song lately. That one line "I tried hard to have a father, but instead I had a dad" actually makes me cry, and that's pretty hard since I'm a stoic person I have to admit. Anyway random banter aside I haven't had time to do anything since school started and my laptop died. On Sunday I actually had my first "breakdown" I guess you could say, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It wasn't fun though I can tell you that. God I don't know why I took so many smart classes, it's an obnoxious amount of work. One week of school and I already feel like I'm fucking fluent in French. I don't have my phone or iPod now since my mother took them away for once (the most time I've managed to stay grounded is 4 hours), saying it was too much of a stress on my "mental health". Well I couldn't give less of a shit about my phone but I miss my iPod terribly. It even has a name, Mojo Jojo. School is cool though lately. I remember last year I hated it but now it's going great.

I guess I'm going to cement my place as an art nerd/freak since I'm in that fancy art class where you draw every waking moment of your life and I'm joining all the art clubs. I fucking love it though, I wasn't sure what I want to do when I'm older though. Now I'm considering something art related again. Originally I wanted to be a therapist, then an artist, then have a billion degrees in history and now I'm flitting between art and music journalist again. It's confusing and annoying. Life would be so easy if we could just be socially accepted as the hobo that lives in a box on the side of the road. I think I would make a good hobo. I don't talk much, expensive clothes don't matter shit to me and I could spend most of my time thinking. I spend too much of my time thinking, it's not healthy. Sorry if your reading this it makes no sense, I'm running on 3 hours of sleep, I'm usually not this stupid sounding. There's about a million glitches in the hobo plan I just thought of, ignore that completely.

Being the "art freak" sure has it's advantages though, you can wear whatever the fuck you want and no one cares. I've been fancying dresses lately, which I have NEVER liked in my life, I've always hated them. I got these sweet lace leggings though, they make me look like the lost Geldof but I love 'em. We had these hipster seniors last year that dressed impeccably, but they're not here anymore so that makes me a little sad. I'm back to being the lone wolf (not that I'm calling myself a hipster but you catch my drift). Ugh all the people in my little group of friends are so happy and in relationships. With each other of course but I'm kind of sick of being single lately. I never talk about these things though, not even with them. Eh I don't know. Maybe I will find somebody this year.

I've been so vague and spacy lately from lack of sleep. I swear I was walking down the hallway talking to Brittany and I completely forgot where I was going, and just stood there with the :o face on for a whole minute without blinking. Exactly like Faris' face here in this little gem I remember laughing at, ah it never ceases to entertain me (although that's a little hypocritical, I don't care). I believe it's at 1:10. I will take my leave now before I start talking about how cute koalas are and how they always look like they're smiling. Ta-ta, xx.

I'm Going To Watch The Bluebirds Fly, Over My Shoulder

Waiting for my friend to come to my place, so I decided what's better than to blog whilst waiting. My day isn't going so well. I hate my town with a fucking burning passion. Not only is it in the middle of nowhere guido-ville New Jersey, but nobody here know's how to drive. 3 kids got run over last night crossing the street, one died. Now we have some pretty crazy kids over here, but I've seen the girl that died around so many times before. She was friends with some of my friends. It's truly fucked up. My dad works at the hospital in the Medical Examiner's Office where she was taken so I'll get the inside scoop, but this is so messed up. I was in such a good mood lately too, this is like a giant black cloud shrouding my happiness as dramatic as it sounds. I can't wait to leave NJ, or go somewhere else here. I would rather move to North Jersey or NYC. Seriously nobody here gets out alive.

R.I.P Erika, I didn't know you but you didn't deserve to go so early.

Elevator Music

I haven't written shit for a really long time. Since July I think. I want to make a new blog altogether, or give this one a major makeover. Tumblr is better in my opinion, but I don't want to completely neglect this one. Actually I'm only writing this so I can fill my best friend in on my life so far since she's been grounded the whole summer (hey Britizzle). Erm, anyway, my summer sucked balls and now that school starts in about 4 days it's starting to get good. The weather is amazing, and I'm happier than ever. The last time I was truly happy with myself and my life was about 2 years ago. Shocker. I hope school is good. I got the classes I want basically, a little less anti-social now, and I got taller. It's going good for me. Plus I have the dopest home room teacher I could basically have. Been listening to alot of music too lately.

I'm love with Sonic Youth and Ipso Facto. Seriously I have an unhealthy obsession with them. Even though I heard they're splitting up, it's a shame since they haven't even released a proper LP. I think it's Cherish's fault, the band just looks weird without her. But they have to be the best dressed group of gals I've ever laid my eyes on. As for my personal style I couldn't care less. I mean I've developed a love for fashion again but I don't particularly follow fashion if you know what I mean. I haven't straightened my hair in god knows how long, and it's in a Devendra Banhart/Faris Badwan style now. I'm glad that's it's cold outside because I love wearing cardigans and sweaters. I don't give a fuck about makeup anymore, I'm thinking of selling it all on eBay or something. Seriously I don't see the point of it anymore. I've also contemplated chopping my hair off but eh, that's a little stupid since my hair is so thick that it keeps me warm in the winter. Oh, and I'm writing a fanfic. I have this weird secret love of it, yes the creepy man-sex kind. But mine is more fuzzy wuzzy cutesy. It's going well so far.

Hmm, I really really want to start a band. The only problem is nobody, and I mean nobody in this area has the same music taste as me. Or even remotely alike. I mean I can't play any instruments but I feel like it's right you know, it's just a weird feeling in my bones. I want to pick up guitar again, and I feel like I actually can this time. I wanted to originally learn organ but my parents had no clue what I was talking about, they thought I was talking about the harmonium. I can sing, kind of. I mean if I worked at it I wouldn't sound terribly bad. Ah, to dream. Anyway, I'll be sure to start posting more. Or just posting in general haha. Ta-ta, xx.

They Say I'm Bonkers.

I haven't updated in a fucking long time. I gave up meat, it's been a couple of weeks so far. Not as hard as I thought it would be, as I already hate chicken. I'm shrinking, I'm under 5 feet so it's concerning. My lips are so severely chapped I have to go see the doc. I've been reading Allen Ginsberg and eating cough drops all day. I've actually been busy for once in my life, I got completely new furniture in my bedroom, it's from the 50's. My mother has this really cool friend that gets items from houses, they sell the entire contents to her and she kind of has this vintage furniture business. I got this really cool handwoven Native American rug from the 60's courtesy of her as well. My room was really grungy before, it looks very err... clean now. It's very bohemian looking now, it gives the illusion I'm very well traveled, thank god for Pier 1. I'm probably working at Dunkin' Donuts, not that exciting but I desperately need a job. I should stop cursing so much, I'm like a trucker. I still haven't gotten a haircut, I decided to go the Cory Kennedy route and just not brush it. And let it do whatever it wants to do. I'm currently loving the Phil Spector playlist Faris Badwan has put together for Vice. It's fucking good. The mix that they made for Vice is really good too.

I'm suprised they know any Bollywood music, the second

to last song on it is a very famous song from an Amitabh Bachan film. I grew up with that song, if my dad listened to that I think he would become an instant fan. The yoga song is hilarious, I don't know if you'd get it without knowing Hindi, but it's pretty funny. It took me some time to figure out what it was about. My mom actually had to tell me. Even though DOWN and UP were good, this one was beast. I've rediscovered my loved for Bollywood music, my favorite has always been from the 60's. My father actually used to dress like a mod, in winklepickers and drainpipes. My grandfather did as well, complete with wayfarer glasses. He told me there's a store in Calcutta that custom makes winklepickers for you in an hour, but the only bad thing about that is my dad has to come to India with us next year, since he's the only one who knows where it is. I've been reading several interesting books lately.

Not much more going on in my life. We might go on vacation somewhere, my friend is touring Europe so I told her to pick up the NME from London for me. I saw it over there last time I went but I had no cash on me to buy it. I'm going to take my leave now, I made a Tumblr but it's rather confusing. Ta-ta.

Where Did You Sleep Last Night?

I've been having a confusing day. School finally ended for me, and I told everybody I would go to school for the last day but I slept in (on purpose). I feel like a complete asshole to say the least. But I didn't miss much. Nothing really happened for me today, and I don't know what to do with myself. I've recently gotten into Panic At The Disco and Taking Back Sunday again. Only Panic's first album though, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out. I used to be a complete PATD fan girl. It was sad. I actually started to cry when I heard Pretty. Odd. It was so bad, not the cabaret pop-punk I fell in love with. It sounds like a bad Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club cover album. They ripped off the Beatles so bad. It was a proper shit album. No wonder they're has-beens now. I don't blame it. I feel like it's Fall Out Boy 2.0. But at least they still have "fans". I've also been listening to The Pretty Things. They're amazing, proper psychedelic. New Jersey's been boring the hell out of me. I need to go out of this country.

I can't spend too much time without traveling. It literally makes me go mad. I'm thinking of going to India with my uncle and aunt in the end of July. That's how desperate I am. Although they're going to Calcutta, and I like Delhi better. Calcutta has lost it's excitement for me. Delhi is so full of exciting crazy people. Bengali's are so boring, they just care about social status and how educated they are. Sure Delhi folks might be self-absorbed, only focused on drinking and the latest Bollywood movies, but I feel at one with them. Plus it'll help me work on my Hindi. Which is terrible mixed with my "joisey" accent. I miss my family terribly, especially my little cousins. I even miss those crazy monsoons. I don't know, I have no job, they didn't even take me for fucking volunteering. The local amusement park (yes I live in the town that's home to the tallest roller coaster in the world) isn't hiring anymore, which sucks. I really should start eating healthy. All I eat is candy and ice cream. Either that or I forget to eat most the time.

My only hope is McDonald's, but this really annoying kid work's there as well, and he seems to hate me now for no reason. I'm so sad The Real Housewives of New Jersey is over. I watched the pt. 1 of the reunion though, that guy who was hosting it is an idiot. I hate how he looks so delighted when they start fighting or breaking down. The bastard can at least pretend to look a little sympathetic. My favorite housewife is Teresa. She's hilarious, with her "bubbies" haha. My mom seems to like Caroline the best, who reminds me of her a little bit. Danielle looks exactly like my neighbor, who's about 55 and prances around outside in a hot pink bikini every opportunity she gets. Dina is my least favorite, she seems absolutely fake and arrogant. People like that disgust me, her daughter is annoying as well.

I've decided to go vegetarian. This is my fourth attempt, but I'm pretty sure it'll work this time. That's the plus side to my OCD. I managed to stop compulsively biting my nails this year, so

this should be a breeze compared to that. I hope this summer turns out to be good for me. My pool should be swimmable by next week, I've been scrubbing it non-stop for the past couple of days. I wish I was able to go see a therapist though, I'm too broke for one. My OCD has been getting extremely bad, and it's interfering with my life. I'm also pretty sure I'm bi-polar. Not just because I'm a little moody, I literally have no control over my emotions most of the time. Ugh, I missed It's On With Alexa Chung today. I love her, I don't know why all those Brits call her a mega-bitch and really mean. Whatever, no more complaining. I'll take my leave now, have a great week kids.

For Every Kiss You Give Me I'll Give You Three.

Aiight. Had a pretty shitty week to be honest. Yesterday was hell, and the day before was okay but kind of uneventful. I'm listening to some dub mix of A Milli by Lil Wayne. I didn't go to school today, been feeling pretty sick. Don't know what it is, my stomach hurts so I can't really eat anything, and I can't hear anything. I'm listening to Marilyn Manson right now. I've been sort of a vegetable for the last couple of days, I can't do anything. Some strange movie was on today, then I watched Little Miss Sunshine. I love that movie so much, I can imagine my family doing that. The grandpa is my idol, he's so funny. It's sad when he dies. I'm thinking of getting a haircut since my hair grows like grass. I get it cut and then it just goes back to long in a week.

I might go really dramatic and really short, but I have a very androgynous face so I don't want to look like a little boy. Listening to 60's girl groups right now, I love it. Bleh, this Monster is making me feel sick. My last day of school is next Wednesday, thank god it's finally ending. My grades are going to be shit though I know it. Oh well. Grrr, I have to stop switching topics so much. My stomach burns right now, it's very painful. I hope the doctor can fix my boo-boos (ick, that sounds rather creepy). I might get an Alexa Chung haircut, it looks really low maintenance and pretty. The weather is finally nice outside today, for the last two weeks it felt like it turned into London, all grey and rainy. On Monday there was a foot of hail in North Jersey, it's kind of fucked up. It hailed here a little bit yesterday.

There's a '06 era Horrors sounding band on this Garage Punk podcast. It's Sonic Nightmares #28. They have an organ and everything o_o. I have nothing else to say, along with being sick my mind's turned into mush. Ta-ta for now folks. I'll leave you to enjoy the fabulously synchronized Ronettes.

Handsome & Gretel.

Hey all. I haven't written lately. I honestly haven't really been in the mood. My allergies are killing me, the meds make me ridiculously tired but if I don't take them I can barely see since my eyes get so red. I'm in a writing mood today however. School is almost over, which makes me ridiculously happy. There's a slight problem though, I'm failing all of my classes. You see my school is strange, so I get have only 4 classes every semester. I have to get my grades up in a couple of days, it's so stressful. My earlobes are now gauged but they're all nasty and stretched out since I can't keep the tapers in. I did it for the hell of it really, I got really bored last week. The Horum is making me annoyed lately, it seems like all the "cool" people left and now there are all these obnoxious Australian fangirls. Not that I have a problem with fangirls (ahem my Faris Badwan obsession), but they're just... annoying to me. They don't seem to talk about anything productive either. It's just one of those weird things that bother me I guess.

I'm thinking I might actually be manic depressive. I have a friend that's bipolar and she was telling me from experience she really thinks I am. My moods get in the way of everything, I literally never know how I'm going to be. Normally I'm very quiet and anti-social, but I have my "moments". Whatever, none of this shit is relevant to anything. I'm scared I'm never going to get a significant other. It's quite depressing. I'm listening to Black Flag right now. Adult. have been my obsession lately, they're so good. Very dancey and fun. But not in an annoying, overly peppy way. I just realized how much of a cynic I sound like. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it. I want to go see some shows this summer, I have to stay in shit Jersey so I might go to Warped Tour. Might as well make the best out of it. My throat stings badly right now, we've been having very dramatic weather changes lately. One day it's freezing cold, then it rains and the next day it's extremely hot. That might be what's making me so depressed lately. My paranoia has increased as well, not a good week for me. I will end this with the amazing serenading powers of Aphex Twin. And Chris Cunningham's brilliant creepiness.

What Costumes Shall The Poor Girl Wear?

Bonjour. I decided I'm not really going to talk about art and music that much. I'm more interested in what goes on in people's minds personally, so I'm going to do just that. People fascinate me very much, what can I say? I was also pondering on some subjects. Why do I write? I have no clue. Why do I jump from one subject to another faster then an acrobat on speed? No clue. I'm always thinking of a thousand things at once. I get all these fabulous ideas in my head and when I sit down to write they all go down the drain and I talk about stupid things that don't really pertain to anything. Plus I have to stop using "I". It get too annoying for me to even read. My writing ability is shrinking. I feel so confident with my writing, and then I read other writing and I feel like a 5 year old who can't string a couple of words together and make some goddamn sense. It's quite disheartening. Anyway, enough of that. Complaining won't make it any better.

Yesterday I went to this really snobby party. My aunt's family is super-rich, and they were having this bridal shower for my sort of cousin. I hate these parties. Not because of the rich snobs, because I get along rather well with them, but because I always feel like a fake. Right then "All Tomorrow's Parties" by The Velvet Underground popped in my head. I felt just like that. If those people saw what I look like from a day-to-day basis they'd be shocked. They think I'm so well put together and classy, when in actuality I look like a color-blind hobo on acid most of the day. Seriously, I could give Devendra Banhart a run for his money. I'm not making much sense, since it's pretty hard to put into words. God, rich people confuse me. I just wish they would look past the fact I dress crazy and see I'm an intelligent human being. Arranged marriages have been on my mind quite a bit lately too, but I'm not going to get into that. I have such a terrible memory, I've been thinking of pulling an Andy and getting a tape recorder.

It's like being a new person everyday almost. I try to write things down, but I'm not always in the writing "mood" so it didn't turn out that well. I can't find one though, that's the problem. I've been enjoying Mijn Schatje's work lately. My head is throbbing and I think I'm getting a migraine. My mind got all fucked up the minute I sat down to write. Whatever, I'm sure I'll have more intelligent things to say later. I'll leave you to enjoy the early Strokes.

I Had Too Much To Dream (Last Night)

Hi kids. I hardly ever update. It's kind of sad. I haven't given any backround information on myself so far. I set myself this goal that I would stay completely anonymous but it didn't work out. I'm Piya. I live in New Jersey. In the US of A. I'm really short, and I look like a little kid. I'm second generation Indian. I try not to be intimidating, but my normal facial expression kind of screams "Get the fuck away from me, I hate you all". I love art, and writing. I'm pretentious when it comes to my music taste. I hate boring people, I like mysterious people. I hate most people though. I'm painfully shy. I can't help it. Hmm, there's not much else you need to know. I give everybody ridiculous nicknames. So far I'm Frosh/Froshbert. It's all good. Oh, and I have a stupid obsession with The Mighty Boosh. It's not healthy.

Okay, so today I feel really weird. My anxiety is really up there (blame the coffee). I feel really dizzy too, I don't know whether or not I want to throw up or pass out. I really don't think I should go to school tomorrow. Even though I hate missing school. I've been obsessed with The Horrors so bad lately. I feel bad for Brittany, I have to put her through all that. My Strokes obsession was worse though. My friend was telling me about this MCR fanfiction she was reading so I decided to venture off into the unknown world of Horrors slash. Let's just say I don't plan to go there again. Some of them were really sweet and cute, blah, blah, blah. But some of them have me emotionally scarred. And I'm generally very hard to faze. Icky is all I have to say. Hmm, I think part of my anxiety is coming from the fact I'm worried about my grades. I didn't give a shit this marking period. Plus I have this insane teacher who doesn't grade anything and gives the kids whatever he wants to give them. We all got generic B+'s last marking period, but you never know with him.

I hate school. It's not that I'm unintelligent, I guess I'm just somewhat of a slacker. Whatever, I'm in a caffienated nervous haze and I have no clue what I'm saying. I just feel like I need to get some shit off my chest. I feel really obese and ugly. I've been listening to New Young Pony Club trying to get happy. I'll take a nap soon, maybe that's what I need. I wish I was more attractive. I see chicks a hundred times uglier and larger then me (sounds harsh but it's true), and they have a parade of guys chasing them. It makes me frustrated. I'm generally the "I don't care about anything" type, but it's depressing.

Hmm, it's weird. I had this strange dream about Edie Sedgwick. I have this horrible obsession with her, like she's one of my idols in life, so it wasn't that outlandish. But I was next to her and she was really

stoned, and then I stuffed her in a closet and started reading from a children's book. I don't know what metaphorical message that holds. Then I went into some strange curtained room with aisles like a grocery store with my whole family around me trying to kill me. Edie came back to life in my dream (and she was taller then I expected), then I had to hide her so the creepy Russian guards wouldn't kill her. I hid her in the closet, and she was so wasted she passed out and I forgot her in the closet. A TV was in the room playing the Twilight Zone whilst this was happening. That's all I remember from the dream. It scared the shit out of me when I woke up. I really need to sleep more. I think I got sick since I jumped in my friends pool with clothing on a couple of days ago and stayed wet (shut up) and then jumped in again like an idiot. I kind of miss the common sense part in my brain. Anyway, I shall take my leave now. I changed my Twitter, you can stalk me at www.twitter.com/porkchoppers.

Paris Is Burning

Hello all, finally updating. Wow, I can fairly say I feel like shit today. Insomnia has reared it's ugly head towards me again and I spent 4 hours last night watching infomercials. You'd be suprised as to how many body shapers there are out there, you'll never have to diet again! Wow, I hate Easter honestly, I don't even know it's purpose. Like at least with Christmas I know what's up and why people celebrate it, but all I know about Easter is the eggs and the bunnies and what not.

I've been feeling even stranger lately then usual, first of all, I literally feel obese. Secondly, migranes, not so fun. Thirdly, i've developed a weird obsession with classical music. Again. It's not healthy, all i've been listening to is Beethoven. Oh, and jazz, but jazz is legit so it's alright. I've also felt quite a bit of self-realization regarding my style. Like, I spent the last year following all the idiotic trends but i've finally broke out my neon leggings and peace sign necklace again. I really don't care anymore, i've discovered the joy of flats as well. Oh, and I actually downloaded the leaked Horrors album, it's ridiculously good.

"Who Can Say" is great in all it's sappy goodness, topped off with the tambourine soaked love line. "New Ice Age" and "Scarlet Fields" are my favorites though, they're the epitome of good music. To me of course. "I Can't Control Myself" is another favorite as well, it sounds gorgeous. I've been listening to Bat For Lashes alot too. Natasha Khan has a really beautiful haunting voice, makes you actually feel something. I've also downloaded about a hundred Ladyhawke songs, she's really damn catchy. Well, my eyes feel like they're about to pop out of my sockets, so I will leave this at that. By the way, follow (stalk) me on twitter, www.twitter.com/onamatepiya.

Stabbing People Is Bad

Ok, I haven't posted anything in a ridiculous amount of time. Wow, my day was extremely dramatic. I think I have a social problem. I'm a douche bag to every living soul possible. And my paranoia has increased. The Whitest Boy Alive is making me a tad bit happy though. I just realized I talk like an English person. Then again every Horrors fan does in the US or around here does.

Speaking of The Horrors, Primary Colours. Wow, I haven't even heard it yet and i'm extremely impressed. Sure, I'll miss the giant hair and lack of colors other then gray, white or black, but I love me some shoegaze. Not too much into Asobi Seksu, but all the My Bloody Valentine references made me literally have an aneurysm. NME's first decent review in a long time. And it doesn't involve Oasis or Kings of Leon. Ow, my eyes hurt. I can't believe the percentage of people that smoke hash now. I swear I saw some nine year olds the other day toking it up. It's hilarious really.

Hmm, I told a friend of mine I would put her art on my blog. Not that anyone really reads it except for me. but it's worth a try. She's extremely good by the way. Anyway. I just feel extremely depressed today. I wish I could get along with people. I seem to lack social skill completely. And I've been very obsessive lately. Like it's not remotely healthy. By the way, my new name is Porkchop. Which is pretty cutesy. This weird new trend of naming yourself something completely idiotic has shown itself. I shall go back online at 7:00 and see that that mysterious ticker is for on The Horrors site. I'm hoping for a new single, and knowing my nerdy extreme fan potential, I will most likely burst into tears. And I admit it, I fucking love Twitter. It's amazing in every way and form. I'll probably hate it next week but hey, internet euphoria comes rarely.

Cheers Laddies,

P.S. Happy St. Patties Day!

Who Can It Be Now?

Okay, hello all. This is that amazing first post that we all look foward too. A friend told me that I should make a blog due to my "way with words". Which is flatttering, I'm not going to lie. Anyway, I'll start my useless complaining with the first post. I've had Aerosmith and Men At Work stuck in my head all day.

Which is really pitiful, I know. Steven Tyler is really scary looking, but those songs are fucking catchy. And Men At Work? I don't have any comment for that. I feel like protesting, a weird impulse. I heard about that protest at NYU, really have no clue why everyone's making such a big

deal out of it. Let the kids have their fun, it's a pretty legit cause, no?