Queen Bitch

Sheesh no one seems to be making anymore posts. Is Blogger not cool anymore? Well I can most certainly tell you that I'm not that dandy lately. I think I just need to get my feelings out. Lately I feel like I have hit a writer's block. You know when you lose inspiration and your mind is like a confusing blur? Well I feel like life has been treating me like that. Things were going great until about 3 weeks ago. Slowly and slowly I feel like I'm losing my voice. Letting other people take advantage of me. Letting them make me feel like shit. Obviously most people don't stand for that, but I really don't know anymore. I'm a fucking nervous wreck.

And the problem I think, is that I don't want to come to means with it. I want to ignore it and make myself think I'm okay. I need to show off my car wreck of a smile and accept things for what they are. Seriously, I'm letting myself go emotionally. I've been avoiding talking to people, being shy as shit. Letting them make assumptions about me. I got over it during the summer and everything was fucking amazing until this month. Fuck it. I'm going to be happy, and not judge people. A part of why I don't talk to that many people is that I think I hate too many people. I see the flaws before the good, and I'm adamant on scaring them away. It's a defense mechanism I realize now. Well, you probably don't want to hear about my problems. I complain enough. It's time to take charge and actually take some action. =)

Enough about my self-pity/shitty social skills. I've been listening to The XX and S.C.U.M obsessively. Fuck, that even makes me feel bad. I don't like going on Tumblr because of all the bat shit crazy Horrors fans fighting over who likes the band more and "frail gentlemen" and "porn Tom" and all that weirdness. I don't like shit like that, and I feel like Tumblr is less like posting your thoughts and being a proper blog then it is being the second Horum and competition for how many creepy pictures of Faris' bum you can post. It's fucking ridiculous if you all haven't noticed. Blech. Nothing seems to be going good lately. It's like a bad hairday, multiplied into a whole month. Ah well. Au revoir, xx.

These Days...

I don't care what I'm writing in, I just need to rant/get rid of boredom. I want to be a kid again. Like 10-11ish. I was a fairly weird kid, I had obsessions with the Victorian age (specifically dandies, and yes this was before The Horrors), classical music, the 60's/mod and Beck. At the age of 11. Hell I'm normal compared to back then. I want the I don't give a fuck attitude I had then mixed with the sense of style of have now. I'm turning into a nervous wreck/control freak. I never used to give a fuck about what anyone thought/said about me. Now I micromanage everything and break everything everyone says to me right down to the fucking period. The control freak thing is scaring me. Ever since I watched Rachel Zoe (you'll understand if you've seen the show).

Anyway, enough about my overly mature little Piya self. I watched The Royal Tenenbaums today. I still like Rushmore though. But it's fairly glamourous compared to Wes' other work, and I'm terribly fascinated with Margot Tenenbaum. She needs her own spin-off short film I think, something along the lines of Hotel Chevalier. Gah, I hate this. Getting stuck in my own head. Over thinking everything. Hopefully typing it out will make my brain process that THIS IS BAD. Okay, I'm tired, good night. Au revoir. Cheers, xx. (Check out Julian Casablancas new buff/eyeliner wearing dramatic borderline DILF self.)

Fuck

Forever.

(Don't worry, I'm not pulling a Daul).

You Are Forgiven

Hello, salutations. I always feel weird when I update this, as though I haven't written anything in months. I've been in a very good mood lately. I feel happy again. I haven't felt happy, or my definition of happy since the summer. Alright I still have crazy mood swings and I'm terribly anti-social with some people but I'm doing in a slightly more cheerful way. I am stressed though however, my grades were shite this marking period. I got a D+ in English and an F in Biology I think. Oh and a C in Honors French, I know I have an A in Art though. Maybe... I will most definately get grounded for a ridiculous amount of time and/or get sent away. Now sent away means that I will go to a terrible private school in India where girls have never talked to a boy other than their brother and they wear pigtails. I don't even brush my hair. Yea and real nuns. I'm doubting that a little however, it costs to much and I'm thankful for recession at the moment.

Music has been keeping me in a good mood, I've been listening to alot of Bob Dylan, Minor Threat, Vampire Weekend, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Françoise Hardy and Babyshambles. And alot of pop music. I was too pretentious to listen to classic rock before but I kind of love it now. I used to loath Vampire Weekend and now I can't stop listening to them, it's funny how that works. I've rediscovered my love of Wes Anderson (well him and his films). They really make you see life in a different way. Seeing beauty in the ugly things, and vic versa. Plus those primary colors and Jason Schwartzman, who could say no to that? My favorite new film is Rushmore. I pretty much know it by heart and in a span of 2 weeks I've seen it about 5 times. Which is unnatural for me, I don't really like films.

I also decided I will go to art school. Either that or I will study a bunch of weird things like literature and Egyptology, then kind of chill with no job and all my degrees piled around me in Greenwich Village. Or I might travel. I can't imagine having a normal job. I don't want to live in just one place either, I want to live everywhere. Who knows I could be the next Anthony Bourdain. The character Max Fischer in Rushmore really reminds me of myself. Only I'm not that pale and Jewish but I'm short and skinny with a big nose and glasses. So that gives me some brownie points. Plus his personality in general. A bunch of people started calling me Charlie Bartlett. I've never even seen that film so I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. Whatever. School is over next week then vacation, too bad I'll get my grades in by then. No Christmas presents for me.

Hmm, I'm forgetting everything I was going to say. I'm sure I'll think of it later. For now, peace, au revoir, cheers.

Let's All Poke Her, With A Stick

Hey kids. I actually say that to people. So yeah. Not much has been going on lately that I can recall. I've been sort of busy, Thanksgiving yay. Not so yay for me since like all the family that lives in the US hate us and vice versa. So it's just going to be my immediate familia for Turkey Day. I won't be eating turkey either, so my mom's making vegetarian Shepard's Pie. Knowing my mom there will be some sort of curry/spice in it. I've been mad at everything lately. So this may turn into a rant. I've been completely addicted to Tumblr lately. Facebook is so stupid, it makes me mad. I hate how people talk about it at school too, it's pathetic. I've been fascinated by weird things lately. Film, skulls, homeless people. The usual. I've been thinking of changing my hair yet again, maybe like a darkish red/purple. Right now it's got a dark brown thing going on. Sort of like (shut up) Peaches Geldof's hair before, only shorter. I'm not going to lie that color is amazing. Argh I've been absolutely in love with Lumina's video I'll Be With You.

I wrote this poem in the summer after listening to that song on repeat like 20 times and it was almost exactly like the video. Well not with a glowing Cherish Kaya and a jar of honey but the hmm... aura was the same. If I were to make a video for that song it would look very similar. And leave Faris alone for putting himself in so many of the shots. Hell honestly I would too, why not? I feel like I've been out of touch with reality in the latest. Not in the weird schizophrenic way but in the dreamy, celestial, in-a-dream kind. So many random obsessions with things too. Ugh anyway. I have to do a critique for art I've been putting off. I got nothing else to say. I've been listening to Led Zeppelin and Psychic TV alot. I'm just alone and trippy. I come off as a weirdo art kid and I'm really just a grumpy goff on the inside. Au revoir, cheers, dhanyavad, XX.

I Don't Know Your Name

I shouldn't be online right now. So I don't know what made me start writing this. I got grounded due to my shit grades. My mom knows that this computer is the only thing that fuels me during long breaks and pretty much any time I'm not drawing/painting. Alas. My head hurts so fucking bad, I just want to shut it off. Have you seen the episode of Spongebob where he imagines his brain as little Spongebobs that delete everything going on in his brain. Well that's how I clear my head. Which shows just about how immature I am. And it's weird that I have to get in a "mood" just to write a blog entry. No wonder I don't want to be a journalist anymore. Anyway back to my shit grades, which only consists of a C in French. My parents are hard-asses anyway, I still love them. I have nothing to do today. Too much partying yesterday. I was Amy Winehouse for Halloween. It was cool. I kind of look like a tan Jew anyway so it worked out haha.

Ugh anyway.

I'm having horrible sinus pain and I don't feel like taking a shitload of meds. They just make me stoned really. And I don't feel like being all doped out and hungry today. I sound dark and mean, I'm just in a strange mood. No anger though. Eh it's probably all the fucked up hospital stories I'm hearing from my mother. She doesn't understand a.) I'm a hypochondriac, b.) That shit depresses the hell out of me and makes me anxiety crazy. I tend to have 2 main moods anyway. Happy and sarcastic but silly, and mean and sarcastic and intelligent. I just need to be around some people, I can't wait till I can drive. Then I can go chill with people whenever I want. I miss my family too. I want to bring them over here, since I would never want to live in India. Too hot for me. I've been listening to alot of Mickey Avalon lately. And a bunch of underground shit I'm forgetting. I don't even have an explanation on how shitty my music taste has become. Eh, it sounds good to my ears. It's a good change from the punk and anti-folk they've become accostomed to. Bleh, cheers y'all, I'll have a cheerier post eventually, xx.

Black Satin

Hi kids. Everybody that reads this will get free candy. Through my mind. Life is alright right now, Monday Blues but for the most part I'm pretty fucking happy. I'm waiting for this to change at any moment however. Today was boring. I had an erm, eventful day yesterday and I'm still recovering from it. I actually got kind of upset when I saw I got such a low score on our first essay in English. My problem is I'm too pretentious and hate following

rules, especially if I don't like my teacher. Which I don't. I'm bored, confession time.

1) I'm listening to Paramore's new single now and I'm enjoying it very much. Not so much of a confession, just a bruise to my indie ego.

2) I don't like The Horum anymore. I've been trying to avoid it lately. It annoys the fuck out of me, I hate all the new fans. The Australian idiots and the pretentious shoegaze know-it-alls. Really I think they've turned me off from anything Australian for the rest of my life. I miss the old members, the original pretentious British alcoholics with great taste in music. Now we have annoying 14 year olds that over-analyze EVERYTHING that has to do with the band. Like chill seriously. I might sound like the stupid American stoner but I know SOME things, there's more to life than fruit Mentos and Faris' mysterious brother (I actually happen to know what he looks like, I'm not a stalker, it was merely coincidental).

^ (The good old days)

3) I never thought I would say these words in my life, but I don't think I like The Horrors anymore. Or as much as I used to. I miss the "old" them. I feel like they're completely disconnected from the fans, which I understand happens when a band get's bigger but it makes me sad. Unless somehow I miraculously can go to one of their gigs I'll always feel like this. And if they happen to cancel the gig I was going to go to in my state then I really can't help it. I know everybody's going to be like "what the fuck, they are the same band". You can disagree if you want. I get that bands have to mature and grow, but I'm selfish and I don't like it. I don't like Primary Colours that much anyway.

4) I want it to be the 90's again. I want to be able to rock the bad haircut, no makeup and "mom" jeans. Chyeah.

Okay I'm very sleep deprived, I'm going to take a nap and add more to this eventually. If you think I'm a bitch, cool. I think I'm one too. Nothing I can do about it. Ta-ta.