What Costumes Shall The Poor Girl Wear?

Bonjour. I decided I'm not really going to talk about art and music that much. I'm more interested in what goes on in people's minds personally, so I'm going to do just that. People fascinate me very much, what can I say? I was also pondering on some subjects. Why do I write? I have no clue. Why do I jump from one subject to another faster then an acrobat on speed? No clue. I'm always thinking of a thousand things at once. I get all these fabulous ideas in my head and when I sit down to write they all go down the drain and I talk about stupid things that don't really pertain to anything. Plus I have to stop using "I". It get too annoying for me to even read. My writing ability is shrinking. I feel so confident with my writing, and then I read other writing and I feel like a 5 year old who can't string a couple of words together and make some goddamn sense. It's quite disheartening. Anyway, enough of that. Complaining won't make it any better.

Yesterday I went to this really snobby party. My aunt's family is super-rich, and they were having this bridal shower for my sort of cousin. I hate these parties. Not because of the rich snobs, because I get along rather well with them, but because I always feel like a fake. Right then "All Tomorrow's Parties" by The Velvet Underground popped in my head. I felt just like that. If those people saw what I look like from a day-to-day basis they'd be shocked. They think I'm so well put together and classy, when in actuality I look like a color-blind hobo on acid most of the day. Seriously, I could give Devendra Banhart a run for his money. I'm not making much sense, since it's pretty hard to put into words. God, rich people confuse me. I just wish they would look past the fact I dress crazy and see I'm an intelligent human being. Arranged marriages have been on my mind quite a bit lately too, but I'm not going to get into that. I have such a terrible memory, I've been thinking of pulling an Andy and getting a tape recorder.

It's like being a new person everyday almost. I try to write things down, but I'm not always in the writing "mood" so it didn't turn out that well. I can't find one though, that's the problem. I've been enjoying Mijn Schatje's work lately. My head is throbbing and I think I'm getting a migraine. My mind got all fucked up the minute I sat down to write. Whatever, I'm sure I'll have more intelligent things to say later. I'll leave you to enjoy the early Strokes.

I Had Too Much To Dream (Last Night)

Hi kids. I hardly ever update. It's kind of sad. I haven't given any backround information on myself so far. I set myself this goal that I would stay completely anonymous but it didn't work out. I'm Piya. I live in New Jersey. In the US of A. I'm really short, and I look like a little kid. I'm second generation Indian. I try not to be intimidating, but my normal facial expression kind of screams "Get the fuck away from me, I hate you all". I love art, and writing. I'm pretentious when it comes to my music taste. I hate boring people, I like mysterious people. I hate most people though. I'm painfully shy. I can't help it. Hmm, there's not much else you need to know. I give everybody ridiculous nicknames. So far I'm Frosh/Froshbert. It's all good. Oh, and I have a stupid obsession with The Mighty Boosh. It's not healthy.

Okay, so today I feel really weird. My anxiety is really up there (blame the coffee). I feel really dizzy too, I don't know whether or not I want to throw up or pass out. I really don't think I should go to school tomorrow. Even though I hate missing school. I've been obsessed with The Horrors so bad lately. I feel bad for Brittany, I have to put her through all that. My Strokes obsession was worse though. My friend was telling me about this MCR fanfiction she was reading so I decided to venture off into the unknown world of Horrors slash. Let's just say I don't plan to go there again. Some of them were really sweet and cute, blah, blah, blah. But some of them have me emotionally scarred. And I'm generally very hard to faze. Icky is all I have to say. Hmm, I think part of my anxiety is coming from the fact I'm worried about my grades. I didn't give a shit this marking period. Plus I have this insane teacher who doesn't grade anything and gives the kids whatever he wants to give them. We all got generic B+'s last marking period, but you never know with him.

I hate school. It's not that I'm unintelligent, I guess I'm just somewhat of a slacker. Whatever, I'm in a caffienated nervous haze and I have no clue what I'm saying. I just feel like I need to get some shit off my chest. I feel really obese and ugly. I've been listening to New Young Pony Club trying to get happy. I'll take a nap soon, maybe that's what I need. I wish I was more attractive. I see chicks a hundred times uglier and larger then me (sounds harsh but it's true), and they have a parade of guys chasing them. It makes me frustrated. I'm generally the "I don't care about anything" type, but it's depressing.

Hmm, it's weird. I had this strange dream about Edie Sedgwick. I have this horrible obsession with her, like she's one of my idols in life, so it wasn't that outlandish. But I was next to her and she was really

stoned, and then I stuffed her in a closet and started reading from a children's book. I don't know what metaphorical message that holds. Then I went into some strange curtained room with aisles like a grocery store with my whole family around me trying to kill me. Edie came back to life in my dream (and she was taller then I expected), then I had to hide her so the creepy Russian guards wouldn't kill her. I hid her in the closet, and she was so wasted she passed out and I forgot her in the closet. A TV was in the room playing the Twilight Zone whilst this was happening. That's all I remember from the dream. It scared the shit out of me when I woke up. I really need to sleep more. I think I got sick since I jumped in my friends pool with clothing on a couple of days ago and stayed wet (shut up) and then jumped in again like an idiot. I kind of miss the common sense part in my brain. Anyway, I shall take my leave now. I changed my Twitter, you can stalk me at www.twitter.com/porkchoppers.