You Are Forgiven

Hello, salutations. I always feel weird when I update this, as though I haven't written anything in months. I've been in a very good mood lately. I feel happy again. I haven't felt happy, or my definition of happy since the summer. Alright I still have crazy mood swings and I'm terribly anti-social with some people but I'm doing in a slightly more cheerful way. I am stressed though however, my grades were shite this marking period. I got a D+ in English and an F in Biology I think. Oh and a C in Honors French, I know I have an A in Art though. Maybe... I will most definately get grounded for a ridiculous amount of time and/or get sent away. Now sent away means that I will go to a terrible private school in India where girls have never talked to a boy other than their brother and they wear pigtails. I don't even brush my hair. Yea and real nuns. I'm doubting that a little however, it costs to much and I'm thankful for recession at the moment.

Music has been keeping me in a good mood, I've been listening to alot of Bob Dylan, Minor Threat, Vampire Weekend, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Françoise Hardy and Babyshambles. And alot of pop music. I was too pretentious to listen to classic rock before but I kind of love it now. I used to loath Vampire Weekend and now I can't stop listening to them, it's funny how that works. I've rediscovered my love of Wes Anderson (well him and his films). They really make you see life in a different way. Seeing beauty in the ugly things, and vic versa. Plus those primary colors and Jason Schwartzman, who could say no to that? My favorite new film is Rushmore. I pretty much know it by heart and in a span of 2 weeks I've seen it about 5 times. Which is unnatural for me, I don't really like films.

I also decided I will go to art school. Either that or I will study a bunch of weird things like literature and Egyptology, then kind of chill with no job and all my degrees piled around me in Greenwich Village. Or I might travel. I can't imagine having a normal job. I don't want to live in just one place either, I want to live everywhere. Who knows I could be the next Anthony Bourdain. The character Max Fischer in Rushmore really reminds me of myself. Only I'm not that pale and Jewish but I'm short and skinny with a big nose and glasses. So that gives me some brownie points. Plus his personality in general. A bunch of people started calling me Charlie Bartlett. I've never even seen that film so I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. Whatever. School is over next week then vacation, too bad I'll get my grades in by then. No Christmas presents for me.

Hmm, I'm forgetting everything I was going to say. I'm sure I'll think of it later. For now, peace, au revoir, cheers.

Let's All Poke Her, With A Stick

Hey kids. I actually say that to people. So yeah. Not much has been going on lately that I can recall. I've been sort of busy, Thanksgiving yay. Not so yay for me since like all the family that lives in the US hate us and vice versa. So it's just going to be my immediate familia for Turkey Day. I won't be eating turkey either, so my mom's making vegetarian Shepard's Pie. Knowing my mom there will be some sort of curry/spice in it. I've been mad at everything lately. So this may turn into a rant. I've been completely addicted to Tumblr lately. Facebook is so stupid, it makes me mad. I hate how people talk about it at school too, it's pathetic. I've been fascinated by weird things lately. Film, skulls, homeless people. The usual. I've been thinking of changing my hair yet again, maybe like a darkish red/purple. Right now it's got a dark brown thing going on. Sort of like (shut up) Peaches Geldof's hair before, only shorter. I'm not going to lie that color is amazing. Argh I've been absolutely in love with Lumina's video I'll Be With You.

I wrote this poem in the summer after listening to that song on repeat like 20 times and it was almost exactly like the video. Well not with a glowing Cherish Kaya and a jar of honey but the hmm... aura was the same. If I were to make a video for that song it would look very similar. And leave Faris alone for putting himself in so many of the shots. Hell honestly I would too, why not? I feel like I've been out of touch with reality in the latest. Not in the weird schizophrenic way but in the dreamy, celestial, in-a-dream kind. So many random obsessions with things too. Ugh anyway. I have to do a critique for art I've been putting off. I got nothing else to say. I've been listening to Led Zeppelin and Psychic TV alot. I'm just alone and trippy. I come off as a weirdo art kid and I'm really just a grumpy goff on the inside. Au revoir, cheers, dhanyavad, XX.

I Don't Know Your Name

I shouldn't be online right now. So I don't know what made me start writing this. I got grounded due to my shit grades. My mom knows that this computer is the only thing that fuels me during long breaks and pretty much any time I'm not drawing/painting. Alas. My head hurts so fucking bad, I just want to shut it off. Have you seen the episode of Spongebob where he imagines his brain as little Spongebobs that delete everything going on in his brain. Well that's how I clear my head. Which shows just about how immature I am. And it's weird that I have to get in a "mood" just to write a blog entry. No wonder I don't want to be a journalist anymore. Anyway back to my shit grades, which only consists of a C in French. My parents are hard-asses anyway, I still love them. I have nothing to do today. Too much partying yesterday. I was Amy Winehouse for Halloween. It was cool. I kind of look like a tan Jew anyway so it worked out haha.

Ugh anyway.

I'm having horrible sinus pain and I don't feel like taking a shitload of meds. They just make me stoned really. And I don't feel like being all doped out and hungry today. I sound dark and mean, I'm just in a strange mood. No anger though. Eh it's probably all the fucked up hospital stories I'm hearing from my mother. She doesn't understand a.) I'm a hypochondriac, b.) That shit depresses the hell out of me and makes me anxiety crazy. I tend to have 2 main moods anyway. Happy and sarcastic but silly, and mean and sarcastic and intelligent. I just need to be around some people, I can't wait till I can drive. Then I can go chill with people whenever I want. I miss my family too. I want to bring them over here, since I would never want to live in India. Too hot for me. I've been listening to alot of Mickey Avalon lately. And a bunch of underground shit I'm forgetting. I don't even have an explanation on how shitty my music taste has become. Eh, it sounds good to my ears. It's a good change from the punk and anti-folk they've become accostomed to. Bleh, cheers y'all, I'll have a cheerier post eventually, xx.

Black Satin

Hi kids. Everybody that reads this will get free candy. Through my mind. Life is alright right now, Monday Blues but for the most part I'm pretty fucking happy. I'm waiting for this to change at any moment however. Today was boring. I had an erm, eventful day yesterday and I'm still recovering from it. I actually got kind of upset when I saw I got such a low score on our first essay in English. My problem is I'm too pretentious and hate following

rules, especially if I don't like my teacher. Which I don't. I'm bored, confession time.

1) I'm listening to Paramore's new single now and I'm enjoying it very much. Not so much of a confession, just a bruise to my indie ego.

2) I don't like The Horum anymore. I've been trying to avoid it lately. It annoys the fuck out of me, I hate all the new fans. The Australian idiots and the pretentious shoegaze know-it-alls. Really I think they've turned me off from anything Australian for the rest of my life. I miss the old members, the original pretentious British alcoholics with great taste in music. Now we have annoying 14 year olds that over-analyze EVERYTHING that has to do with the band. Like chill seriously. I might sound like the stupid American stoner but I know SOME things, there's more to life than fruit Mentos and Faris' mysterious brother (I actually happen to know what he looks like, I'm not a stalker, it was merely coincidental).

^ (The good old days)

3) I never thought I would say these words in my life, but I don't think I like The Horrors anymore. Or as much as I used to. I miss the "old" them. I feel like they're completely disconnected from the fans, which I understand happens when a band get's bigger but it makes me sad. Unless somehow I miraculously can go to one of their gigs I'll always feel like this. And if they happen to cancel the gig I was going to go to in my state then I really can't help it. I know everybody's going to be like "what the fuck, they are the same band". You can disagree if you want. I get that bands have to mature and grow, but I'm selfish and I don't like it. I don't like Primary Colours that much anyway.

4) I want it to be the 90's again. I want to be able to rock the bad haircut, no makeup and "mom" jeans. Chyeah.

Okay I'm very sleep deprived, I'm going to take a nap and add more to this eventually. If you think I'm a bitch, cool. I think I'm one too. Nothing I can do about it. Ta-ta.

Serve The Servants

I love that song lately. That one line "I tried hard to have a father, but instead I had a dad" actually makes me cry, and that's pretty hard since I'm a stoic person I have to admit. Anyway random banter aside I haven't had time to do anything since school started and my laptop died. On Sunday I actually had my first "breakdown" I guess you could say, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It wasn't fun though I can tell you that. God I don't know why I took so many smart classes, it's an obnoxious amount of work. One week of school and I already feel like I'm fucking fluent in French. I don't have my phone or iPod now since my mother took them away for once (the most time I've managed to stay grounded is 4 hours), saying it was too much of a stress on my "mental health". Well I couldn't give less of a shit about my phone but I miss my iPod terribly. It even has a name, Mojo Jojo. School is cool though lately. I remember last year I hated it but now it's going great.

I guess I'm going to cement my place as an art nerd/freak since I'm in that fancy art class where you draw every waking moment of your life and I'm joining all the art clubs. I fucking love it though, I wasn't sure what I want to do when I'm older though. Now I'm considering something art related again. Originally I wanted to be a therapist, then an artist, then have a billion degrees in history and now I'm flitting between art and music journalist again. It's confusing and annoying. Life would be so easy if we could just be socially accepted as the hobo that lives in a box on the side of the road. I think I would make a good hobo. I don't talk much, expensive clothes don't matter shit to me and I could spend most of my time thinking. I spend too much of my time thinking, it's not healthy. Sorry if your reading this it makes no sense, I'm running on 3 hours of sleep, I'm usually not this stupid sounding. There's about a million glitches in the hobo plan I just thought of, ignore that completely.

Being the "art freak" sure has it's advantages though, you can wear whatever the fuck you want and no one cares. I've been fancying dresses lately, which I have NEVER liked in my life, I've always hated them. I got these sweet lace leggings though, they make me look like the lost Geldof but I love 'em. We had these hipster seniors last year that dressed impeccably, but they're not here anymore so that makes me a little sad. I'm back to being the lone wolf (not that I'm calling myself a hipster but you catch my drift). Ugh all the people in my little group of friends are so happy and in relationships. With each other of course but I'm kind of sick of being single lately. I never talk about these things though, not even with them. Eh I don't know. Maybe I will find somebody this year.

I've been so vague and spacy lately from lack of sleep. I swear I was walking down the hallway talking to Brittany and I completely forgot where I was going, and just stood there with the :o face on for a whole minute without blinking. Exactly like Faris' face here in this little gem I remember laughing at, ah it never ceases to entertain me (although that's a little hypocritical, I don't care). I believe it's at 1:10. I will take my leave now before I start talking about how cute koalas are and how they always look like they're smiling. Ta-ta, xx.

I'm Going To Watch The Bluebirds Fly, Over My Shoulder

Waiting for my friend to come to my place, so I decided what's better than to blog whilst waiting. My day isn't going so well. I hate my town with a fucking burning passion. Not only is it in the middle of nowhere guido-ville New Jersey, but nobody here know's how to drive. 3 kids got run over last night crossing the street, one died. Now we have some pretty crazy kids over here, but I've seen the girl that died around so many times before. She was friends with some of my friends. It's truly fucked up. My dad works at the hospital in the Medical Examiner's Office where she was taken so I'll get the inside scoop, but this is so messed up. I was in such a good mood lately too, this is like a giant black cloud shrouding my happiness as dramatic as it sounds. I can't wait to leave NJ, or go somewhere else here. I would rather move to North Jersey or NYC. Seriously nobody here gets out alive.

R.I.P Erika, I didn't know you but you didn't deserve to go so early.

Elevator Music

I haven't written shit for a really long time. Since July I think. I want to make a new blog altogether, or give this one a major makeover. Tumblr is better in my opinion, but I don't want to completely neglect this one. Actually I'm only writing this so I can fill my best friend in on my life so far since she's been grounded the whole summer (hey Britizzle). Erm, anyway, my summer sucked balls and now that school starts in about 4 days it's starting to get good. The weather is amazing, and I'm happier than ever. The last time I was truly happy with myself and my life was about 2 years ago. Shocker. I hope school is good. I got the classes I want basically, a little less anti-social now, and I got taller. It's going good for me. Plus I have the dopest home room teacher I could basically have. Been listening to alot of music too lately.

I'm love with Sonic Youth and Ipso Facto. Seriously I have an unhealthy obsession with them. Even though I heard they're splitting up, it's a shame since they haven't even released a proper LP. I think it's Cherish's fault, the band just looks weird without her. But they have to be the best dressed group of gals I've ever laid my eyes on. As for my personal style I couldn't care less. I mean I've developed a love for fashion again but I don't particularly follow fashion if you know what I mean. I haven't straightened my hair in god knows how long, and it's in a Devendra Banhart/Faris Badwan style now. I'm glad that's it's cold outside because I love wearing cardigans and sweaters. I don't give a fuck about makeup anymore, I'm thinking of selling it all on eBay or something. Seriously I don't see the point of it anymore. I've also contemplated chopping my hair off but eh, that's a little stupid since my hair is so thick that it keeps me warm in the winter. Oh, and I'm writing a fanfic. I have this weird secret love of it, yes the creepy man-sex kind. But mine is more fuzzy wuzzy cutesy. It's going well so far.

Hmm, I really really want to start a band. The only problem is nobody, and I mean nobody in this area has the same music taste as me. Or even remotely alike. I mean I can't play any instruments but I feel like it's right you know, it's just a weird feeling in my bones. I want to pick up guitar again, and I feel like I actually can this time. I wanted to originally learn organ but my parents had no clue what I was talking about, they thought I was talking about the harmonium. I can sing, kind of. I mean if I worked at it I wouldn't sound terribly bad. Ah, to dream. Anyway, I'll be sure to start posting more. Or just posting in general haha. Ta-ta, xx.