Queen Bitch

Sheesh no one seems to be making anymore posts. Is Blogger not cool anymore? Well I can most certainly tell you that I'm not that dandy lately. I think I just need to get my feelings out. Lately I feel like I have hit a writer's block. You know when you lose inspiration and your mind is like a confusing blur? Well I feel like life has been treating me like that. Things were going great until about 3 weeks ago. Slowly and slowly I feel like I'm losing my voice. Letting other people take advantage of me. Letting them make me feel like shit. Obviously most people don't stand for that, but I really don't know anymore. I'm a fucking nervous wreck.

And the problem I think, is that I don't want to come to means with it. I want to ignore it and make myself think I'm okay. I need to show off my car wreck of a smile and accept things for what they are. Seriously, I'm letting myself go emotionally. I've been avoiding talking to people, being shy as shit. Letting them make assumptions about me. I got over it during the summer and everything was fucking amazing until this month. Fuck it. I'm going to be happy, and not judge people. A part of why I don't talk to that many people is that I think I hate too many people. I see the flaws before the good, and I'm adamant on scaring them away. It's a defense mechanism I realize now. Well, you probably don't want to hear about my problems. I complain enough. It's time to take charge and actually take some action. =)

Enough about my self-pity/shitty social skills. I've been listening to The XX and S.C.U.M obsessively. Fuck, that even makes me feel bad. I don't like going on Tumblr because of all the bat shit crazy Horrors fans fighting over who likes the band more and "frail gentlemen" and "porn Tom" and all that weirdness. I don't like shit like that, and I feel like Tumblr is less like posting your thoughts and being a proper blog then it is being the second Horum and competition for how many creepy pictures of Faris' bum you can post. It's fucking ridiculous if you all haven't noticed. Blech. Nothing seems to be going good lately. It's like a bad hairday, multiplied into a whole month. Ah well. Au revoir, xx.

These Days...

I don't care what I'm writing in, I just need to rant/get rid of boredom. I want to be a kid again. Like 10-11ish. I was a fairly weird kid, I had obsessions with the Victorian age (specifically dandies, and yes this was before The Horrors), classical music, the 60's/mod and Beck. At the age of 11. Hell I'm normal compared to back then. I want the I don't give a fuck attitude I had then mixed with the sense of style of have now. I'm turning into a nervous wreck/control freak. I never used to give a fuck about what anyone thought/said about me. Now I micromanage everything and break everything everyone says to me right down to the fucking period. The control freak thing is scaring me. Ever since I watched Rachel Zoe (you'll understand if you've seen the show).

Anyway, enough about my overly mature little Piya self. I watched The Royal Tenenbaums today. I still like Rushmore though. But it's fairly glamourous compared to Wes' other work, and I'm terribly fascinated with Margot Tenenbaum. She needs her own spin-off short film I think, something along the lines of Hotel Chevalier. Gah, I hate this. Getting stuck in my own head. Over thinking everything. Hopefully typing it out will make my brain process that THIS IS BAD. Okay, I'm tired, good night. Au revoir. Cheers, xx. (Check out Julian Casablancas new buff/eyeliner wearing dramatic borderline DILF self.)